It’s all we can do
To hold the world together.
An explosion of life
An eruption of love
Then fill the void
With anger.
A gunmetal sky hangs
Over restless waters.
A tsunami of need
Of restlessness
Of want
Stirs below the surface.
The maelstrom boils
And we ignore;
Occupy our time
With fripperies
Baubles
Well dressed celebrity.
Where will you be
When it ends?
Fierce as a maelstrom
locked up in a jar.
Like lightning strikes
upon the sea;
the thunder of a heart.
It stirred a storm
Inside the soul.
Spans whirlwinds
through the mind.
Shook the foundations,
cracked to the core.
Surged like lava
through quivering vines,
twisted into veins.
It stalked like a predator,
hunted prey.
An early bird
who catches the worm;
spirits him away.
In the red corner,
pensive.
Staring across a ring
a thousand
miles
wide.
Her adversary
only grins.
In the black corner,
weighing in
at the totality of life,
the grim reaper
flexes his bones.
A dry, ancient crackle
shivers her spine.
She wears
sorrow,
a dark veil,
a tartan skirt.
The reaper wears sequined shorts,
brazenly.
Emblazoned with his name.
Hanging
like
rags
from bony hips,
he shadow boxes;
queensbury rules.
The seconds are out.
She stands,
Bumps leather gloves
Together.
Wonders idly,
why the reaper
gets to use a scythe?
We live in temporary spaces,
Our lives are turned corners of a page.
We breathe at the whim of a body
Over which we have only rudimentary control.
Love is fleeting,
Ephemeral.
Like a joke told a thousand years ago
That still echoes faintly in the room.
And here, now, when sex and intimacy
Are as legitimate and real
As Heaven and Hell to an atheist,
Is where I exist.
I exist at the whim of a mad god
Who lives inside my brain,
Who commands my body
And distributes my pain.
Like all atheists, I believed in him once,
And that was my mistake
I feel like I want to write shit poetry
That no-one wants to read.
I feel that the alcohol in my system,
Is the wisdom that I need.
I feel like I could fuck
For a thousand years.
When the reality
Is probably just one thrust.
I feel like love is a fairytale
Told when I was young.
That happy ever after
Is a lie; a song unsung.
I know that obvious rhymes
Are all I have to give.
That at times my feelings
Are just too strong to live.
I feel like when I’m gone,
The world will move on.
Barely remember my light
And how dimly it shone.
Living in the worst of times,
We’re piling up the dead.
We see it on the TV screens,
in black and white and read.
Facing our extinction
With an apathetic gaze,
Revelling in the chaos
As we face our end of days.
Now the future is the past
And it never stood a chance.
Distorted and aborted,
Without a second glance.
Those who would be kings
Are nailed to their thrones.
Committed to the violence;
Spied upon with drones.
Corporations profit,
From the madness of the show.
Lining oily pockets
With the suffering below.
And politicians sleaze
Through the alleys late at night.
power in their fingers
Gripped around a throat too tight.
And we watch it all unfold
Like a story never told.
And we let it all explode,
wrap up warm against the cold.
And we watch it all unfold,
blame the young or the old.
And we feel it all implode,
A black hole in our soul.
And we watch it all unfold,
We watch it all unfold.
We watch.
But we refuse to break the mould.
Darkness closes
Like a cocoon.
Second skin,
This flesh imposes
Trapping me within,
And
Suffocating.
Suffocating.
Suffocating.
A strangle grip around my throat.
My voice silenced.
Confidence stripped.
Expression stifled.
Isolating.
Isolating.
Isolating.
The mind turned upon itself.
Plans disrupted.
Dreams burned.
Thoughts corrupted.
Segregating.
Segregating.
Segregating.
Loneliness pervades.
Drives me to despair.
Plaster on a smile.
Live the charade.
And all the while
Suffocating.
Isolating.
Segregating.
Me.
The cut of your dress
As it clings to your curves
Slices my vision
Like a blade across my heart
With each nervous step
I move closer to you
The weight of the moment
Makes my feet feel like lead
Your grace turns heads
All around the bar
And that green eyed
Old friend of mine
Growls
But then I’m with you
And the world flows on
the sounds of the bar
Are washed away by our tide.
And in this sublime still life
I could stay with you forever
Our perfect conceit,
Our lust, our love, our pain
Our pride and sorrow
Our dreams of tomorrow
Held in perfect stasis
Encased in crystal ice
For one glorious moment
We are enraptured
My eyes locked with yours
Your smile, however slight,
Speaks volumes to me.
But then the bar rushes in
Our dance is stopped
The spell broken
As you pass me by
In a rush of perfume
And promise
My head turns,
Watching you walk away,
And I’m left wondering,
Who you were.
As delicate as a dusky rose,
Her scent was just as sweet.
Her laugh as bright as the day
Golden hair shimmered like the sun.
I watched from afar
A schoolboy caught
And thrown into orbit
Around her star.
I longed to reach out
To touch the petals
Of that rarest rose
To savour every silken inch.
But I was young
And fear gripped me,
Stayed my hand
And held me back.
If I were to try and hold this flower
Would she resist my touch?
Burn me with the shame
Of rejection?
Would her thorns pierce my flesh?
A mechanism for her protection?
Or would she turn her face to me,
As a flower does the sun?
The answers to these questions,
I will never know.
For every flower in nature
Must bloom and prosper and grow.
And so my dusky rose
Turned her face to the sun
And I watched,
Numb with love and fear
Knowing I was not
The one she chose.
Time though,
Is the greatest healer
And has given me others
To hold close
But in those quiet moments
When I sit alone and reflect
I think about my childhood crush
And my delicate dusky rose.
I press my face to the glass
And watch the world go by
Stiff fingers leave marks of desolation
Marring the wall with my presence.
It is not my world out there
It is not my life I see.
Not my life I ache to touch,
To taste, to breathe in deeply.
The world outside is vibrant,
Joyful, full of passion.
A merry-go-round of song and fun
Laughter and high spirits.
The ticker tape rain beats
A mocking drum on my window.
No, it is not my world out there.
I don’t belong with them
Those happy, shiny people.
The glass cage surrounds me
Keeps me apart, alone.
The glass cage is my world;
Cold, sterile, joyless.
Lifeless.
I can shout and I can scream
Snarl and gnash and rage
Throw myself against glass walls
Cry at the injustice of it all.
In the end it does no good
There’s no-one here to hear
There’s only me. My four walls.
And the people outside?
Those brightly lambent souls?
They cannot help me
They cannot see, you see?
Can’t look behind the glass
And see the real me
They see what they want to see;
A reflection of me.
A reflection of them.
Outside the box.
Free.
Angst, Love And Other Monsters Of The Mind 